Who Needs Trials, When It's Werewolf Week
by OKFandom
Summary: Who needs Trials, when you've got Team Skull? Guzma didn't consider all the issues involved in taking in a small army of children just reaching puberty.
1. Werewolf Week

This is part 1 of a series of [mostly] pre-game Oneshots depicting the typical Team Skull Antics and GuzDad trying to keep his self-made family going. With possible Canon Divergences later on if we end up writing through the Game and Post-Game story. At the moment, the only shipping planned to take place is between Grunts.

Each story in the series will be titled "Who Needs Trials, ..." so it'll be obvious which they are. There is no specific reading order for them!

Don't forget to check us on tumblr _ok-fandom_ is our url!

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Guzma hadn't known what to expect when the young girl – damn, how young were kids having to run away nowadays? – Grunt L, snuck into his room one morning, wearing an old towel around her waist. Nervous-faced, she'd claimed she didn't want to be "laughed at" by the other grunts, so she'd come straight to him instead. Initially, he'd just thought she'd wet the bed or something, but the scent of blood quickly snapped him to attention. Ah, _shit_ –

"uHH, PLUMES?" He yelled into the hallway, getting a distant "She ain't here, yo!" in response. Shit. Fuck. He was not prepared for _this_ at ass-o'clock in the AM. The girl looked even more nervous than before, so he did his best to reassure her as he led her down to the kitchen-turned-kinda-storage room. That's where Plumeria mentioned keeping that shit, right? "Uhh it's normal! Yer gonna be fine, yo! This always happens to girls – and uh, some guys too, I think? See, we'll just getcha all set up and…"

And fucking _nothing_ , apparently, just like the nothing their search for menstrual gear was turning up. Damn it. A pair of older grunts had meandered in sometime during the process, throwing together something that could _probably_ count as a breakfast. T and K, he was pretty sure.

"Yo! Where the pads an' all that shit at?!" He'd yelled, getting two simultaneous shrugs in response. They'd never needed to look for them before.

Well, fuck. The girl had taken up residence on one of the stools nearby, but it was clear neither it nor the towel was gonna last long with how uncomfortable she looked. "Shit, whaddawe do?!"

The Boss's confusion had managed to keep T and K's attention off their breakfast-like creation. "Uhh.. need some help, Boss?"

Guzma tossed the box he'd been rummaging through back onto the shelf. "Uh, yeah. We still keepin' supplies out in the Poké Center?"

"Only fer Pokémon an' first-aid."

"Damn…" The Skull Boss swore, dragging a hand down his face. They'd already done a near-raid of a store in Malie not too long ago, they couldn't just show up again so soon.

"Aight! We gotta get some pads n shit, like now!" He clapped his hands as he turned to T and K. "So, where do we look?"

"Uhhhh…" The twins glanced at each other before starting a stop-start rhythm of conversation.  
"Maybe at-"  
"Nah man that was last week, what if-"  
"Dude ain't nothin' there anymore and you know it! How about-"  
"They left yesterday, I checked."

Guzma's eye gained a noticeable twitch at the half-conversation. Damn twin telepathy.

"Oh I got it-!" K – or was it T? Guzma always had trouble telling them apart – interjected.  
His brother finished for him. "The Abandoned Megamart? That's perfect!"  
"I know right? Gotta be SOMETHING left there."

"Alright! Great, Megamart, perfect! Y'all get to help carry shit." The Boss concluded, grabbing them both. He called out to Grunt L, who had remained in her seat, as they left. "Alright, sit tight, kiddo, we'll be riiight back!"

It was a good thing Acerola's trial site was already so foreboding – people went there so rarely, she'd never had a reason to take any precautionary measures. Like putting a lock on the door. That made it _infinitely_ easier to sneak in, as their previous scavenges had proved. Unfortunately, that meant they'd already gotten most everything of value in the dump. There had to be SOMETHING left over, though, right?

A solid ten minutes later proved the hunch right, a single box of pads revealing itself as K shoved a shelf out of the way. His face lit up upon the sight, reaching forward to grab it. "Score!"

But the box had its own plans, apparently, floating away just as his hand was about to make contact with it. He reached for it again, and a third time (just for good measure) – same results. A tiny giggling noise rang out as a bad Pikachu cosplay peeked out from behind another box, weird little body-eyes glinting. The grunt yelped as a Haunter suddenly materialized beside him, spooking him into stumbling backwards over a cart. Guzma and the other twin, alerted by the yell, swung into the aisle to be met with the sight of a small crowd of ghosts harassing the grunt. The Skull Boss got in between the Pokémon and their target as T helped his brother up.

"Aight, Back off! I got a ton a' kids ta look out for, and not all of 'em got the good fortune of not havin' ta bleed every month." He fumed, eyeing the pack of pads the creatures were passing around, keeping consistently out of reach. " _So_ , if y'all don't want a buncha kids to be bleedin' on everythin' ya love, then you'll FUCK OFF, GHOSTS!"

The Haunter from earlier just stuck out its tongue in contempt, rousing a laugh from the other ghost-types. Guzma, being Guzma, took the opportunity to knock it square across the face. It dropped the box of menstrual supplies in its surprise, which Guzma shot a hand out for, only to be partially intercepted by an inky black hand. Wasn't this Mimikyu a bit…large? Unless–

"Uh, yo, boss, ain't that the Totem?"

About an hour later, the trio could be seen dragging themselves back into Po Town, worse for wear, but still victorious. The box had been obtained. It had taken a…n embarrassingly considerable portion of the ghost fight for any of them to remember _"Oh wait, we're trainers."_ Once Guzma got his Ariados out, though, the poison/ghosts had been quick to back off under threat of getting hit by Psychic, and Smart Strike had driven the Totem back into it's little backroom hideaway.

"Yo, if anyone asked none uh that shit happened, got it?! I punched the ghost and they let us go. That's all."

"Got it, Boss!" Both twins chorused, giving a salute to their team leader.

Sure enough, T and K jumped at the chance to start crowing about the victory as soon as they got within earshot of other grunts.

Guzma grinned wide, preening a bit as he handed the box victoriously to L who was now flanked by a couple of other girl grunts, while T and K went on. ("Boss is so cool!" "He punched a ghost!") until a confused voice interrupted the celebration.

"There's…nothing in here?"

"Say _wha–_ ?" To prove her point, L tipped the package upside down and shook it, producing a few dust buneary. The box was fucking _empty_?!

They didn't have any way of knowing if it had been empty all along, or if the ghost-types had swiped the contents during their little game of keep-away, but _still_! Guzma was _not_ happy! The Team Skull Leader was just about to march back down to that stupid, cursed Megamart to _really_ give those ghosts a fight when a familiar face entered the room.

"Special delivery." Plumeria announced, tossing some bags and boxes onto the table.

"The hell ya been, Plumes?! I was lookin' for ya earlier!" Guzma snapped, his ghost-induced rage on hold for the moment.

"Akala. Getting period supplies, 'cuz we're out." She tossed one of the boxes to him while she started squaring some of the stuff away. "Which I knew because I, y'know, actually _take inventory_."

"Are ya kiddin' m– we got our asses kicked around by the world's worst Pikachu cosplayer an' its ugly lil dead friends for _nothin'_?!" Aaand he was back to fuming. "They fuckin' swarmed us after I punched that Haunter tryna get a box that ain't even _got_ shit in it anymore! Ariados had ta beat em back! Arceus fuckin'–"

"Didja let Golisopod out yet?" Plumeria interrupted, hands on her hips.

"Fuckin' had a few _other_ things ta be worryin' about this mornin'…" He groused, albeit secretly grateful for the reminder. The bug-type was probably getting antsy by then, used to having free range around the mansion. Probably been worried about him–

– _definitely_ been worried about him, if the rib-crushing hug he's pulled into upon releasing the Pokémon was any indication. His face brushed against something papery as he squirmed, unable to free himself just yet. Plumeria snatched the paper and held it up for him to see, revealing a short note.

"I gave it to Golisopod so you'd see it right away. Guess that didn't work out so great, huh?" The Skull Admin couldn't keep the amusement out of her voice as the large bug-type continued to hug its trainer, emitting happy chirring noises.

Embarrassed, Guzma opened his mouth to argue, only to have the ruthless Admin stuff a (thankfully still wrapped) tampon into it. He spit it back out immediately, looking horrified. "THAT'S SO GROSS, YO!"

T and K cringed in sympathy from the sidelines, freezing up when Plumeria turned on them next. "Y'all got anything to add?" A tampon waved in her grip, ominously.

"Nope!"  
"Not a thing, Sis!"  
"Gotta go!"

"COWARDS! DON'TCHALL WIMP OUT ON ME! Y'ALL AIN'T NO WIMPOD, YO!" Guzma yelled after them, still trapped by his own bug, while they made their escape.

"Sorry boss!"  
"One thing we know!"  
"NEVER CROSS A LADY, YO!"

 _FIN_


	2. Alt Ending

Mod Spice had two ideas for how to end this one, and we liked em both, so they were both written! Enjoy the alternate ending for When It's Werewolf Week!

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"Special delivery." Plumeria announced, tossing some bags and boxes onto the table.

"The hell ya been, Plumes?! I was lookin' for ya earlier!" Guzma snapped, his ghost-induced rage on hold for the moment.

"Akala. Getting period supplies, 'cuz we're out." She tossed one of the boxes to him while she started squaring some of the stuff away. "Which I knew because I, y'know, actually _take inventory_."

"Are ya kiddin' m– we got our asses kicked around by the world's worst Pikachu cosplayer an' its ugly lil dead friends for _nothin'_?!" Aaand he was back to fuming. "They fuckin' swarmed us after I punched that Haunter tryna get a box that ain't even _got_ shit in it anymore! Ariados had ta beat em back! Arceus fuckin'–"

He paused when he felt a light _'pluck'_ of something off his back, turning to see Plumeria holding out a small note with some duct tape on the side of it. "…the fuck's that shit?"

"The note I put on ya back, idiot." The Skull Admin rolled her eyes as he read. "You really go 'round all day without someone tellin' ya?"

T and K had the foresight to start edging towards the door after L had left, herself probably heading to one of the bathrooms with one of the older girl grunts, but bolted the second Guzma turned to them. A good thing, too – despite the hindrance of his baggy sweatpants, the tall man was still wicked fast when he wanted to be. "GET YER ASSES BACK HERE, YO! I'MMA GIVE YA THE BEAT DOWN OF A LIFETIME!"

"Boss is scary!"  
"Shut up an' run, yo!"

Plumeria just shook her head as her idiot boss and adorable little brothers ran out the doors to Po Town. They'd be back by dinner.

 _FIN_


End file.
